Judgement

For all my friends some of you had knew that currently im pregnant. As i write this blog im in my 24 weeks pregnancy. Yes another 16 weeks to go. 😊

And its a boy.... 

For the name wise, Papa already have in mind but mama still trying to find a better one. 😝

Anyway, during this pregnancy I had learn to be more patient and also not to judge people. 

As we know in singapore most of us using public transport which is bus or MRT. For pregnant lady as me this 2 public transport cant say very convenience but as compare to Indonesia, i cant ask for more. 

I decided to take bus every morning coz to take MRT from toa payoh i really need to squeeze in which before the pregnancy I already not so comfortable. But most people advise me to take MRT instead of bus coz bus MRT slightly stable than bus where the driver like to sudden break. 

During my almost 3 more months taking public transport, only recently people can notice that the tummy is not fat, but there is baby inside. 😆 well i cant blame coz its true that my tummy didnt so obvious. 

But eventhough it is very noticable that im pregnant not many people will offer me a seat. Many times in my heart i want to curse them and even judge them. I was trying to put the world around me should be fair. But in the end i found that its not like what i expect. Sometimes i will try to corner the people who dont want to give their seat for me though they seat at the priority seat. 

One fine day OTW back from office, i took MRT, again no people offer me a seat and I prepare myself to judge some people, but suddenly He nudge me and i realise that in this pregnancy I building up negative tought towards people. Which many people advice me to be happy to be positive during the pregnancy. Ooo owww, i already give a bad influence to my baby even before he is born. 

And i realise not only about how i think about people during the travel to office or back home but many things that i should do to build up my character to give a legacy to my kids. The next generation is in our hand, so how r we going to act? 

Grace

There are so many people or i can say most of people will be so grateful in their life when they meet Jesus. They meet Him personally. And not only few preacher will say that we are so special thats Jesus wants to die for us. And many are translating it into how special they are so that they can boast that we are redeem because they are special.

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Ephesians 2:8-10 NIV)

If we look into the verse above, we know that 

It is not because we are special but its really because God's grace is upon us. 

And lets we boast in our knowing of who really He is. Lets seek His face. 

This is what the Lord says: “Let not the wise boast of their wisdom or the strong boast of their strength or the rich boast of their riches, but let the one who boasts boast about this: that they have the understanding to know me, that I am the Lord, who exercises kindness, justice and righteousness on earth, for in these I delight,” declares the Lord. (Jeremiah 9:23-24 NIV)

A Dream

It has been some time that I paused to update on this blog. Here are some of the little update of my life while I'm away.
1. I'm happily married now with an awesome husband Johan. It's a blessing to have him in my life.
2. I build my cooking skill and this is one of hobby now aside of having a good chat with someone.
3. My youngest sister is staying with me now after more than decade which we are not staying together.

That's a little update about me. And now I want to share my experience, my weird yet awesome experience which Y let me have.

Last Sunday 15 Sept 2014, 7.45 a.m. I was awake from my sleep. But because it's still early for me to wake up (it's Sunday... ) so I decided to continue my sleep. After a few seconds I fell into a deep sleep and I had a dream.

In my dream I was in my grandma house which has now been renovated and my uncle stay there. But in my dream the house have not been renovated. There was pastor and some church staff visited to the house and sit at the living room. When I was about to enter my room, there was a monkey sitting at my bed watching TV and holding the remote control. I was shocked and I shouted to the people in the house that there is a monkey in the room. They asked me to chase the monkey away but when tried the monkey didn't move at all. He played with the remote control switching the channel. So I was so frustrated I called my parent to help me. They tried but the result still the same. Though we tried to throw things to him he still there. So my mum become so frustrated she open the window, then catch the monkey and throw the monkey out of the window. Since the room so messy, we all tidy up the room. after we finish with the room, I saw a lot of kitten in the living room. (FYI, I don't like animal.) I tried to chase them by stomping my feet but they are still cool. They didn't move at all. And again I became so frustrated. Remember the pastor and church staff who visited the house, they are in the living room sitting comfortably and told me to "keep trusting God and have faith in Him". I felt so weird with this pastor, they didn't help at all but just talk only and I felt there is no relationship between the two. But I ignored them and continue to try to chase the kitten. And I called up my mum, and my mum shouted back to ask me to throw them out of the window. So I take courage and grab the kitten one by one and throw them out of the window. There are a lot of other kittens which they walking around near the window to wait for a chance to enter the house. But I don't let them have the chance. When it's the last kitten to throw, the kitten grab my hand tightly. So I have to give more strength to throw the kitten out of my hand. When I just wanted to throw it, I saw the face change to a puppy. and the teeth out. Because I scared that the puppy will bite my hand when I throw it, I slowly pretend that I want to put it back to the house. In that moment, I look at the puppy closely and I feel that it is cute. A very small puppy, and I thought it will be harmless to me. But there was a voice saying to me to throw it. I have to throw it.

Suddenly I awake and God directly told me what is the meaning of my dream.

The animals represent the sin or bad habit or character which we need to clean up. But many times we want other people to clean it up for us. We even sometimes blaming other people of causing us to have the sin or bad habit character.  We asked our parents to fix it for us. We wanted our leader or our pastor to fix for us. but they all can help up but it will not fix the problem. We need to do it ourselves. It's our lives. We might feel disgusting with our sin but its there in our life so we need to deal with it. We have to face it. And maybe there is a sin which we might feel it's just a small sin and it's harmless. But God want us to throw them all.

This is my first experience to have a dream which I receive the meaning once I awake.
The additional awesome thing happen when today 17 sept 2014, morning during my trip to office I listened to Philip Mantofa sermon of 5 Father message. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fi2Q4FVibAM). He shared that he has experience a dream which i feel it's similar to what I experienced. And he also got a similar message as what i get and he complete my understanding of my dream. in his first message, he shared that God want us not to let evil have a chance to destroy our lives, so we have to totally clean it.

Character

I always thought that Im a good person. I have a high consideration toward people. But... its only my thought.

End of last month, i had been challenged to prove what is my character. I was working at site on that saturday. And naughty me, I teased one of my colleague until he feel that I bullied him. and I took it lightly.
The test come when we are on the way back, I asked him if he can drive me to lavender since he was going to send another colleague to bukit panjang. and he said its too far since he need to pass the car to another colleague. and I over heard their conversation that he is willing to send the car to punggol.
Then immediately I complained to him. Its not fair, you are going to punggol but you resist to send me to lavender. then sortly after that i raise my voice pretend that im angry with him. then silent.

Yes, i feel bad about it. I shouldnt play hard on this. This incident really teach me to be a good example to the world. I mean not being fake, but really be a better person.

last nite, the word that keep ringing in my head is that im the ambassador. Like what Ahok (deputy governor of jakarta) said in his interview with "Mata Najwa". He is just being the example on what people should do because he is called to do that.
Me, as Y ambassador, has been called many times, many years, did i response to the call?

3 nuggets of truth

Last saturday we were having a great celebration of mid year of Hope Indo group. At least for me, its a blessing to be reminded back on the things that we should focus on.

here what mike shared during the service.

1. Look within - Examine our heart

2. Look out - See the bigger picture (Look on what can benefit others)

3. Look up - Focus on God


Why this things become so important to me? Because it become a confirmation to me. Y has been talked about my heart. To have a pure heart, to search within my heart.

This has been become my pray:

Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
(Ps 139:23-24)


And not long ago, I had been praying for my sister. She is in confusion on what she supposes to do. what is her direction, her vision. I asked Y to help to reveal to her and guide her through. But Y answered me that His vision is only for people not for own satisfaction.

In life, we will only reach the peak of satisfaction of life when we do things for people. we serve people.

It strikes me as most of us will thing what is benefited to our own. No wonder I still cant know my vision. Because my focus is what can I achieve with my life for the shake of my own satisfaction.

As we can see around us that many success people who fell satisfy with their work when they know they do things not for their own.

Many rich people cant satisfy with what they have, though we call them success. because they can't satisfy themselves.

All this while we had been "tebalik" on the 3 things above.

1. Look within - we search people heart.

2. Look in - we see the picture of ourselves alone. (what can benefit us)

3. Look down - We ask God to look to us.


My personal opinion, we had been deceive by our own flesh. we expect people to have a good heart, and can do something for us. we look for something that can benefit us but if it require us to pay some price, we reluctant to do.

And we ask God to focus on our need, our life, our satisfaction.

I never realise that Mike will share that 3 nuggets last saturday. But it brings some enlighten for me.

I thank Y also, for being so patient toward me. And be bother to mold me.

Love one another - good reminder

Have a little time to listen from Y after I feel do not want to love people. And here is the surprise from Him.

GET INVOLVED!
Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters. - Heb 13:1
We live in a culture that is reluctant to get involved. We leave well enough alone. We steer clear of messy, complicated interaction with others. We mind our own business, and keep to ourselves--even those of us who go by the name of Christian.
We're like the fellow on the bus who refused to tell another passenger what time it was. After being asked several times, he turned his back, and the young man went on and asked someone else. At the next stop, someone who had seen the exchange scolded the man, and this was his rationale: "If I had told that young man what time it was, we would have struck up a conversation, and I probably would have liked him. Before long, he would have gotten himself invited to supper, and my beautiful daughter would have met him. The two of them would probably fall in love, and want to get married - but I don't want my daughter marrying a man who can't afford a watch!"

We intuitively know that involvement could prove expensive - so we shut ourselves off in the name of caution. The only problem is, we are commanded to love the brethren. In fact, the mark of a Christian is the love we have for one another. It is almost impossible for someone who has experienced the love and grace of God to live in isolation - but some of us do a pretty good job. Instead of hiding, get out of your comfort zone and reach out to those in your circle of influence with the love of Christ. It is dangerous, yes. But the only place outside of heaven where we can be safe from all the dangers of love is hell.

Growing up

It was amazing to have a chance to serve the people in Batam. and the special things about it that we serve kids.

This is not my first time went for mission trip in batam. but last saturday is my first time with a big number of kids. what I can say its really tiring. it's already monday, but I still feel so tired. my legs pain.

Gosh.. but well, what have I learn during this trip?? I was being reminded about children. and I was reminded about a picture of Jesus with children. God wants children to come to Him. to know Him, to talk to Him and also to listen to Him. that what God wants from us as an adult. 

But there is a doubt that come into people's minds. why when we are just know God, GOd seems so near. what we asked He make it ready for us. He answered prayer. we are like His favorite. but now... He seems so far, dont answered my prayer fast, and even sometimes i feel alone.

I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready.
1 Cor 3:2

This verse suddenly pop up into my mind. and I was reminded the cycle of human since they born till they grow up.

First stage, baby become the center of the parent life. parent make sure baby wont get hungry, wont get uncomfortable. when the baby cry, the people surround him will try to fix what is not rite. they eat liquid food for easy digestion.

Second stage, as the baby grow, parent will teach the baby on how to be independent. learn how to walk. learn how to grab the milk bottle, learn how to tell the parent if they want to pee. parent still play big role to help them with daily routine. they start to take not so solid food.

Third stage, kids learn how to play. they are not so dependent in term of walk, sleep, play, eat. they know how to do it. parent just need to observe from far. and make sure they know what they are doing. Parent guide them through. they can eat solid food but the food intake still watch by parent coz they do not know the impact of the food.

Fourth stage, i will jump to when the baby grown up to be an adult. they can do whatever they want. they are expected to be independent. not only for what food they take. but also how to find food. they start to "suffer" to find food. because they can find their own food.

when i try to reflect on this 4 stages. i try to relate this with the verse that paul said. in our spiritual walk with God, we also go through stages. when we know

Christ, life seems so nice. but as we grow, we learn how to know Him. not taking him for granted. so when i look back and i think about why some of older christian can feel alone. especially when they question God, but found no answer. could be God asking us to grow up and learn to apply what he had teach us and do always come back to Him for advise or any counseling.